Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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