She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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