im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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