You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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