I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
