It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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