Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
