Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
