I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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