After last night, I could never be a politician.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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