im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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