i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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