I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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