Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
And then my night got REAL pukey
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
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