I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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