I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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