Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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