I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
