You smell like a Billy Joel song
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
