You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
