Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
