So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
