Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
