Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
