You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
