dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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