the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
