I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
