I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
