I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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