Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
