White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
