The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
did i walk over a car last night?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
