all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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