Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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