Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
