I am puke
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
