ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
