I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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