Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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