We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
