I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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