I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
