Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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