I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
