So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
