so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
