HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
