the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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