I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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