Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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